i have no idea why.
for i should be very happy now, enjoying my life and doing things i have always wanted.
but today, just today, i feel different again.
i went through our pictures, i found joy.
we have been through so much, more than i could ask for, i wonder if there's anyone like you who'd love me so dearly in the future.
i am afraid.
i am afraid to look out to where would i be.
then again, i feel misery, i feel emptiness and i feel, unhappy.
yes, i am selfish.
selfish to break apart our hearts and let it rot like before, again.
but then again, human are selfish, and who doesn't want the better?
upon saying that, i hesitated, aren't you good enough?
our relationship made a big impact on my life.
many changes, some changed for the better, some changed for the worst, and some, could never be reversed anymore. but somehow, i feel like thanking you.
thank you for being my soul for the past 20months.
it's time i live my life and give you back yourself.
and these days i wonder,
what if another guy comes along, and he couldn't love me wholeheartedly?
so many if..
the situation now, it's so hard for me to stand alone.
i feel like giving up.
seeing everyone around me unhappy makes me even more miserable than ever.
i hate to see reality, i would rather turn in and hide myself behind the blankets.
i'd rather cry to myself, scream my lungs out and speak to my soft toys.
i like acting like a kid, because that makes me feel so much better.
i dread insecurities.
and now, i am feeling it.
i foresee the horrendous world.
in exchange for security, i'd rather go.
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