DEAR EX-BFF.

i think you really got the whole idea, wrong.

i did called to say that i am unable to collect the phone for the moment.
whatever it is, just stop your accusation.

guilty?
what happened exactly that day you should know it yourself.
what happened exactly, what you and my exbf quarrelled about, what my exbf and ur bf quarrelled about, you should know it.

did i stand into the matter?
i stayed aside even though i was with bf.
i told you we aren't friends anymore, why?
have you even asked yourself?


you cried, yes, you so miserably cried for hours that day and i got scolded unknowingly from a friend of ours.

so you cried to yourself, and i didn't?
who didn't cherish the friendship more.


how much did i tolerate you girls?
you think you're right, you think you have your rights.
you think that you're the best damn friend.
and what else?

yea, i might be the worst to you, but i don't see why i still have nice people around me.
and why are you the one being different?



you said it, so many years.
so many years and we actually quarrelled over a stupid thing.
and now what?
all these years, i've always apologise to you, and trying my best to explain to you why i didn't meet you at times, and i thought you understood.



all these years, i only had you as my bff, but what was i to you?
a playtoy? someone to humiliate whenever you like, and laugh at whenever you like?


"ai yah, cindy always 丢女人的脸 one mah"
"see cindy, 怕 boyfriend de lor"

ya ya ya, i am the one that 丢女人的脸 okay.
i am the one that is scared of boyfriend.

have you wonder why?
respect.

i respect you like a friend, and never make fun or even joke around without limit with you.
i try my best to accomodate my bf not because i am afraid, it's because i feel that some quarrels can be avoided if one tries.

initially, you scolded my exbf a pussy boyfriend.
i was not even angry with you and tried explaining to you. whether a not you think he's a pussy or whatever, don't you think that you need to spare a thought for your then-best-friend, me?



i tolerated and endured and look at how the both of you quarrelled.
during the process i even rang you up and asked you what should i do and told you to keep cool.
did you forget all that?

guess you only remember that i say "we won't be friends anymore."
you only remember this damn thing and now you're making it like it's my fault.
yea, it's mine.
so whatever.


and you only remember i text your bf "take care of my joan"
and that made you cry for hours.

what about me.
one is bf, one is gf.
i can't cry to bf, neither could i cry to you.
who's more miserable.



often sitting outside our place whenever i have a smoke break, always wanting to call you but ejected away because i forgot we aren't friends anymore.


you know all these feelings?
you always think you are the victim.
yes, you are.
i am always the bad one, the most horrible friend you ever had.
so be it.




if you think that after all these years, i really kiam eng you whenever i need, i really have nothing to say because i don't know what to say.

i have so many friends, why must i kiam eng you?
just because you stay near me? or what?

who do i always call to whenever i finish drinking and cry at home.
who do i always call whenever i met with some problems.
who do i always turn to whenever i feel upset.
who do i always meet whenever i have something to tell.


girl, if you kiam eng me, i'd be more than happy ever because if you treated me like your real bff, i'd already know everything about you and all.
but i wasn't, i wasn't your so-called-best-friend. it was only a show to others, i must say.


yes, true, like you say now.
you're living your life to the fullest and happy without me in your life.
you always had.

you always had been living great without me in your life.


so why make yourself so upset over this small matter now?
when it doesn't concern you, and when whether a not im your friend, it doesn't make a difference to you?



i don't know how long you want to go on arguing over this matter.
since you believe there's no wrong or right in this matter because everyone got their own views, i am glad so.

i didn't go around complaining.
i don't need to either.


so what you still misses me,
the fact is you don't need me anymore (:





true enough.
so what if i still feel for the friendship.
the fact is, both of us don't need one another anymore.